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| By Raimundo de Madrazo y Garreta |
"SEDUCTION IS EMBRACING YOUR PARTNER'S GUILT.
LOOSEN LEG OF COUCH,AND AS YOUR DATE SITS,THE COUCH COLLAPSES.
NOW, YOUR DATE OWES YOU.”
Tommy Savitt.
Recent Posts
Friday
Thursday
VDs
“Tommy Lama’s Mantra :
It doesn’t matter if someone has vd as long as they’re hot.
If a doctor asks you, “Was it worth it?,”
show him the video.”
Tommy Savitt.
Wednesday
Believe
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA OF THE DAY:
IT'S IMPORTANT TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF EVEN IF ALL THE EVIDENCE POINTS TO THE CONTRARY.”
Tommy Savitt.
Tuesday
Allergies
"TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA :
A BOWLING BOWL AND A FEATHER ARE DROPPED OFF A ROOF , WHICH WILL KILL YOU FIRST?
THE FEATHER.
YOU MAY BE ALLERGIC.”
Tommy Savitt.
Monday
X-Box
“The Tommy Lama’s Mantra of the Day:
When life expectancy was at 30, perhaps a lot less xbox was being played.”
Tommy Savitt.
Sunday
Prison Love
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA OF THE DAY:
PRISON LOVE.
IT'S NOT GAY.
IT'S JUST MEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THEIR PLACE IN THE PECKING ORDER.”
Tommy Savitt.
Saturday
Sharia Law
"The best part of dating a woman under Sharia Law is that she'll never give you any guff.
Why?
BECAUSE, I SAID SO!”
Tommy Savitt.
Friday
Rome
"The Tommy Lama’s mantra of the day:
When in Rome, do as the Romanians do.
Namaste."
Tommy Savitt.
Thursday
Illuminati
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA OF THE DAY:
THE UNIVERSAL GLUE THAT HOLDS ALL CONSPIRACY THEORISTS TOGETHER...
"THOSE JEWS ARE BEHIND IT.”"
Tommy Savitt.
Wednesday
Naval Parade
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA OF THE DAY:
IN ORDER TO DRAW MORE GAYS INTO THE MILITARY, TELL THEM THERE'S A PARADE THEY CAN MARCH IN EVERYDAY.”
Tommy Savitt.
Tuesday
Dr. Pepper
“The Tommy Lama’s Mantra of the day:
Dr. Pepper is healthier than water.
Would a doctor put his name on a beverage if it wasn’t good for you?”
Tommy Savitt.
Monday
TSA Theft Advice
“The Tommy Lama’s mantra of the day:
The only thing the TSA should steal from your
luggage is a diploma.”
luggage is a diploma.”
Tommy Savitt.
Saturday
Tantra Mantra
The Tommy Lama’s Mantra of the Day:
Tantric massage.
The only sensual body rub without the guilt or the arrest.
Namaste.”
Tommy Savitt.
Friday
Thursday
Separating Laundry
"Laundry can be very difficult.
You always have to separate your colors from your whites.
Why can’t they just all get along?”
Tommy Savitt.
Wednesday
Blue Orchids
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| Orchid is latin for testicles. Blue, well, you translate that. |
"Coming of age: That special moment in a young man’s life when he invites his girlfriend to live with him, and his mother.”
Tommy Savitt.
Tuesday
Monday
Dick and Jane
"THEY SEE DICK RUN.
THEY SEE JANE RUN.
PERHAPS IF THEY WOULD DO A LITTLE LESS READING AND A LITTLE MORE RUNNING, OUR CHILDREN WOULD NOT BE SO FAT.”
TOMMY SAVITT.
Sunday
Saturday
Ties
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| By Ann Gakere(Editor’s note: I love this drawing :) ) |
a tie sucks.
A tie is like watching a naked woman on national geographic;
yeah she's naked,
but she doesn't know it."
Tommy Savitt.
but she doesn't know it."
Tommy Savitt.
Suckcess
"The most successful tenants
are the ones never discovered by the landlord."
Tommy Savitt.
"Until they are apostrophied out."
Anonymous.
"Until they are apostrophied out."
Anonymous.
Housewives and Unattended Beverages
Tommy Savitt's Expert Advice for Housewives:
Kat: Do you have any tips for keeping a housewife sane?
Tommy: Stop cleaning the house all the time. That's what slipcovers are for . Once you wear one of those, nothing gets dirty.
Kat: What is your idea of the perfect housewife?
Tommy: The neighbor's wife.
Kat: Do you view housewives as a sort of high-maintenance domesticated pet?
Tommy: Yes. A housewife should be everything to her husband. And all you have to do is lie to him about how much you love anal sex.Kat:What is one thing a housewife should never do?
Tommy: Don't put cucumbers on your eyes. It doesn't make you look younger. It just makes you look like an old salad.
Kat: Who was/is your favorite (real or fictional) housewife of all time and why?
Tommy: Betty Rubble from The Flintstones, because she always made herself subservient to Barney until that no-good Wilma would interfere and corrupt her!
Tommy's Housekeeping Hints:
Kat: What is your favorite chore?
Tommy: Telling my girlfriend those dishes aren't going to wash themselves.
Kat: Do you like to cook, and if so, what is your favorite meal to make?
Tommy: No man should ever cook for his woman because it sends the wrong message that he wants her to eat.
Kat: Do you have any secret family recipes to pass on to my blog? :)
Tommy: One bowl of Captain Crunch, two glasses of milk, and a tablespoon of sugar makes Yum! This has been passed on to me from my ancestors.
Kat: Have you gone green yet and how have you implemented this into your daily housekeeping/living?
Tommy: There's no such thing as global warming and that's why I hope the hole in the Ozone layer gets larger. Then finally we'll all be the same color. Burnt.
Tommy: Up Close and Personal:
Kat: What is your favorite beer/alcoholic beverage?
Tommy: The ones that are unattended.(Kat: nice one lol)
Kat: Do you still watch tv, or have you switched to Hulu and Netflix?
Tommy: Why waste time or money on any of that stuff when everything you ever wanted to see is on porno tube ? And it's free!
Kat: What kind of computer do you have?
Tommy: The one in the library.
Kat: What is your favorite book-color-animal?
Tommy: My favorite books are those Vampire romances. Any woman willing to stay with a guy that lives off her blood won't mind if I stick her with the check. My favorite color is stripper glitter. It always has been since my mother's first take-your-son-to-work day. My favorite animal is a snake. Because when I'm in a pinch he can shed his skin and loan me a condom.
Kat: I see that you have begun a win a date contest; do I have a chance at winning this if it is actually a family meal at my place? ( cricket music) (Oh dear god, please in the name of Vishnu, may The Maestro enjoy a meal of goldfish and captain crunch at our house)
Kat: One more question: what is your best advice for an upcoming journalist/homemaker/business owner regarding becoming successful?
Tommy: There's an old adage a wife should be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I don't agree. I believe she should be a whore across the board. Because I'm not a picky eater and who cares if the house is dirty. So, stick with the homemaking stuff because that's all that matters.
Kat: Favorite song and religion: yes or no?
Tommy: The other day I called out to God and you know who took my call? Vishnu. Even the Almighty has outsourced. And I said "Vishnu, these women I'm dating aren't as into me as I am". And Vishnu said " Have you tried unplugging them and plugging them back in again?" And ever since then I have been a devout Hindu. And Whale songs have to be my favorite form of music. I think it's important that whales get their message out since they're endangered and at the same time so delicious.
Kat: Oh and one more: what is your favorite home made meal?
Tommy: My favorite meal is that Jewish fish.... the Goldfish.
Snuffin and Lovin
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| By Richie Fahey |
is having to memorize your lines."
Tommy Savitt.
Tommy Savitt.
Jerkle Cerk
Tommy Savitt: "Woe is he that wears new shoes to a circle jerk."
Kat: "Unless he chooses to be an optimist and put that polish to good use."
Kat: "Unless he chooses to be an optimist and put that polish to good use."
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| By Richard Jackson. |
