Tommy Savitt's Expert Advice for Housewives:
Kat: Do you have any tips for keeping a housewife sane?
Tommy: Stop cleaning the house all the time. That's what slipcovers are for . Once you wear one of those, nothing gets dirty.
Kat: What is your idea of the perfect housewife?
Tommy: The neighbor's wife.
Kat: Do you view housewives as a sort of high-maintenance domesticated pet?
Tommy: Yes. A housewife should be everything to her husband. And all you have to do is lie to him about how much you love anal sex.Kat:What is one thing a housewife should never do?
Tommy: Don't put cucumbers on your eyes. It doesn't make you look younger. It just makes you look like an old salad.
Kat: Who was/is your favorite (real or fictional) housewife of all time and why?
Tommy: Betty Rubble from The Flintstones, because she always made herself subservient to Barney until that no-good Wilma would interfere and corrupt her!
Tommy's Housekeeping Hints:
Kat: What is your favorite chore?
Tommy: Telling my girlfriend those dishes aren't going to wash themselves.
Kat: Do you like to cook, and if so, what is your favorite meal to make?
Tommy: No man should ever cook for his woman because it sends the wrong message that he wants her to eat.
Kat: Do you have any secret family recipes to pass on to my blog? :)
Tommy: One bowl of Captain Crunch, two glasses of milk, and a tablespoon of sugar makes Yum! This has been passed on to me from my ancestors.
Kat: Have you gone green yet and how have you implemented this into your daily housekeeping/living?
Tommy: There's no such thing as global warming and that's why I hope the hole in the Ozone layer gets larger. Then finally we'll all be the same color. Burnt.
Tommy: Up Close and Personal:
Kat: What is your favorite beer/alcoholic beverage?
Tommy: The ones that are unattended.(Kat: nice one lol)
Kat: Do you still watch tv, or have you switched to Hulu and Netflix?
Tommy: Why waste time or money on any of that stuff when everything you ever wanted to see is on porno tube ? And it's free!
Kat: What kind of computer do you have?
Tommy: The one in the library.
Kat: What is your favorite book-color-animal?
Tommy: My favorite books are those Vampire romances. Any woman willing to stay with a guy that lives off her blood won't mind if I stick her with the check. My favorite color is stripper glitter. It always has been since my mother's first take-your-son-to-work day. My favorite animal is a snake. Because when I'm in a pinch he can shed his skin and loan me a condom.
Kat: I see that you have begun a win a date contest; do I have a chance at winning this if it is actually a family meal at my place? ( cricket music) (Oh dear god, please in the name of Vishnu, may The Maestro enjoy a meal of goldfish and captain crunch at our house)
Kat: One more question: what is your best advice for an upcoming journalist/homemaker/business owner regarding becoming successful?
Tommy: There's an old adage a wife should be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I don't agree. I believe she should be a whore across the board. Because I'm not a picky eater and who cares if the house is dirty. So, stick with the homemaking stuff because that's all that matters.
Kat: Favorite song and religion: yes or no?
Tommy: The other day I called out to God and you know who took my call? Vishnu. Even the Almighty has outsourced. And I said "Vishnu, these women I'm dating aren't as into me as I am". And Vishnu said " Have you tried unplugging them and plugging them back in again?" And ever since then I have been a devout Hindu. And Whale songs have to be my favorite form of music. I think it's important that whales get their message out since they're endangered and at the same time so delicious.
Kat: Oh and one more: what is your favorite home made meal?
Tommy: My favorite meal is that Jewish fish.... the Goldfish.
