Posted by
Katherine Adams
 |
| Retirement....the years you waste away. |
"MY MOMMA SAID:
"THE WORLD IS ONE LARGE FAMILY
THAT NEVER VISITS OR GIVES A DAMN.”
I THEN GENTLY KISSED HER FOREHEAD
AND HAD HER PUT AWAY.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S DAILY MANTRA:
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE,
AS LONG AS YOU DO AS I SAY.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"MANY ARE CONCERNED ABOUT RISING SEA LEVELS.
INSTEAD, THEY SHOULD BE GRATEFUL
THAT WE'LL FINALLY BE ABLE TO GET DECENT SEA FOOD IN NEBRASKA.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA :
WOMEN NEED TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ORGASMS.
WHEN MEN DON'T ORGASM,
THEY DON'T BLAME THE PILLOW.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"IT IS SAFE TO WATCH ON-LINE PORN
ON A STRANGER'S COMPUTER AS LONG AS
IT DOESN'T HAVE ANY VIRUSES OR TELLS YOU IT WAS RECENTLY TESTED.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA:
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE IS A DISEASE CREATED BY THE GOVERNMENT.
NOTICE HOW YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE GOES UP EVERY APRIL 15th."
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S AFFIRMATION OF THE DAY :
A PENNY SAVED IS NEVER AS GOOD AS A QUARTER STOLEN.
CHARLES PONZI.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA OF THE DAY:
I'M SEXY.
I'M DUMB.
I'M READY FOR AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL.
NAMASTE.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S AFFIRMATION OF THE DAY:
A BIRD IN THE HAND IS WORTH MORE THAN TWO IN THE TUSH.
GEORGE MICHAEL”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
 |
| By Nancy Overton. |
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA OF THE DAY:
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS,
MAKE A LONG ISLAND ICED TEA.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA OF THE DAY:
YOU SHOULD NEVER CAST A STONE,
UNLESS YOU RUN OUT OF BULLETS."
TOMMY SAVITT.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"IN ORDER TO GET LAID ON THE FIRST DATE WEAR A WEDDING BAND.
IT CONVEYS THE MESSAGE THAT IF YOUR SPOUSE CAN TRUST YOU,
WHY SHOULDN'T YOU?”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"MANY SINGLE MEN AND WOMEN GO TO LAUNDROMATS
IN HOPES OF MAKING A LOVE CONNECTION.
BUT THIS CONNECTION USUALLY TURNS OUT TO BE STATIC CLEAN.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S AFFIRMATION OF THE DAY:
VIOLENCE IS A TOOL NOT A PASTIME!
SADDAM HUSSEIN LECTURING HIS SON UDAY."
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S AFFIRMATION OF THE DAY:
"LET THEM EAT CAKE!" - KIRSTIE ALLEY.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
 |
| By Tom Thomas. |
"LASTING COUPLES ARE ABLE TO DIVVY UP CHORES EQUALLY.
MY FAVORITE IS TELLING MY GIRLFRIEND,
"THOSE DISHES AREN'T GOING TO WASH THEMSELVES!””
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"TAOISTS BELIEVE HAPPINESS COMES FROM WITHIN.
BUDDHISTS BELIEVE HAPPINESS COMES FROM WITHOUT.
CATHOLICS BELIEVE HAPPINESS DOESN'T COME.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA OF THE DAY:
SOME PEOPLE CALL IT A "BEER BELLY”.
I CALL IT "PROSPERITY CONSCIOUSNESS”.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
 |
“I don’t freakin’ eat lobster or anything like that cause they’re alive when you kill it.”
Snooki. |
"THE PROBLEM WITH THE REALITY SHOW "JERSEY SHORE”
IS THAT YOU HAVE A WHOLE SEASON WITH ONLY ONE PERSON GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE.
NAMASTE."
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA:
HOMESCHOOLED KIDS ARE MORE TOLERANT
BECAUSE THEY GO 18 YEARS WITHOUT BEING BEATEN UP BY SOMEONE OF A DIFFERENT RACE.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA OF THE DAY:
IF GOD WANTED OLD MEN TO HAVE SEX;
HE WOULD NOT HAVE INVENTED GOLF.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"PASSING AN EXAM REQUIRES SOMETHING YOU CAN'T COUNT ON, LIKE YOUR BRAIN.
SLEEP WITH THE STUDENT AID.
A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR EXCELLENCE."
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA :
YOU SHOULD NEVER PLACE YOUR CELL PHONE NEAR YOUR HEAD.
YOU WANT IT NEAR YOUR CROTCH.
IT'S LIKE A FREE VASECTOMY.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE BENEFIT OF OWNING A HYBRID
IS THAT YOU GET TO USE THE CAR POOL LANE BECAUSE THOSE CARS ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO CARRY 3 VEGANS.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA OF THE DAY:
EMPLOYMENT IS OVERRATED. IF KATO KAELIN HAD A JOB, YOU WOULD OF NEVER HAVE HEARD OF HIM.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA OF THE DAY:
LITTLE LEAGUE.
AMAZING HOW FAST THEY GROW UP WHEN YOU ADMINISTER HGH.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"THE TOMMY LAMA'S AFFIRMATION OF THE DAY:
MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL, WHO IS THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL?
- JUDGE JUDY.”
Tommy Savitt.
Posted by
Katherine Adams
"TOMMY LAMA'S MANTRA:
NEXT TIME YOU'RE STUCK ON LINE AT THE DMV, HAVE SEX.
GIVE THEM A REAL REASON TO ISSUE YOU A MOVING VIOLATION.”
TOMMY SAVITT.
